By-stander

I've been thinking a lot about Cambodia or more precise Phnom Penh and life here the past weeks and I've started to think that I'm starting to fit in but today I realised something. Yeah I probably do fit in to an extent and yeah I probably do have people here that like me but I don't have a life here... I will always be a by-stander or viewer, at the best times a visitor but never a participant. Truth of the matter is that I will leave this place and its only a middle stop for me from high school to where ever I'm about to go next and well I guess I've started to think now that I'm more then halfway through what I have actually accomplished and I'm not sure if I've accomplished that much. Wrong, I'm sure I've accomplished a lot for myself and developed but I don't think I've done to much for Cambodia or Phnom Penh or even CDCC. I'm just a viewer that gets an insight in the amazing and complex life of Phnom Penh (I'm not saying Cambodia cause PP is something different and one of a kind).
Furthermore it's a pitty cause I feel like I am ten years old dreaming of how my life will be at the age of twenty and its pretty perfect if only it was that I was actually contributing something to PP and not just living of it. Phnom Penh is special and I don't think there are too many places liek it left in the world and I seriously doubt that if I'm to leave and come back it will be at all as great. But anyway... just a thought..